Outbursts of Who Knows What.

SO. i analyzed my life today. very briefly. and i realized how fricken weird it is.

you see, i was having a nice conversation with two different people. about the same topic. it was actually more like a retelling of a story that happened in the past, but non the less it was interesting. Via aim and text message, one boys anger and narrow mindedness was easily seen as a way to cope with what he wishes didnt exist. the other boy, equally angry, has obviously spent the time coping with the situation and staring it in the face. im not really sure why this entire thing is relevant to my life, but i enjoy stories and listening to people vent. One boy was more than happy to tell me the entire story, or at least what i assumed was the complete story, while the other just seemed to tell me three things about what had happened and pretended the rest just didnt exist. both boys, equally charming and funny, one of which will probably end up reading this, taught me a lesson. well maybe they didnt, but me being me i was able to create some metaphoric type of meaning to it all.

i kind of just forgot what the answer was though..but i remember when it was my turn to vent, i had this immense story and i didnt even know where to begin. I ended up explaining what i thought was relevant in my life in four or five text messages. It surprised me what i pulled out. i freaking like surprised myself. no one besides myself will ever understand this besides myself. but really i do not care. im going to listen to my ipod. it understands. lets see what it tells me....

1. Ohio is For Lovers- Hawthorne Heights. this is a good song. its the live acoustic version. maybe i should move to ohio. i dont even know anything about ohio. i have a shirt though, that says everything is better in ohio. i got it at ocean state job lot because i thought it was cool, even though it had no meaning to me. "and i cant make it on my own, because my heart is in ohioooo. so cut my writs and black my eyes, so i can fall asleep tonight."

2. Come and Go- 50 Cent. Shit does come and go. and it sucks. "bring em in kick em out"

...more about analyzing my life while this song ends.. i decided i have no friends. well obviously i have friends. but some friends are now just preppy bitches and hang out with people i dont like, or arent fond of. not even for a specific reason, they are just not fun funny or interesting. UGH. i get pissed of a lot. people make me feel like shit. especially my parents. im just not smart enough to do shit. and the more they just tell me im lazy or whatever makes me want to be lazy and just fail. WHattteverrr.

see there i go again. just brushing shit off. bleh.

3. Id Do Anything-Simple Plan. "dreamin a dropping outta school and leave this place and never come back" hah. im gonna do that one day. maybe if i can find some freakin friends. OR i can just go to some dumb person college by my lonesome and meet new people there. then just back pack through europe or something. whatever losers do.

3. man overboard- blink 182. damn i am a man overboard. this song has no relation to the lyrics of Sparks the Rescue- Shipwreck. but they remind me of each other. ive always been one for pirate-ly things. i like pirates and sailing and the thoughts of nautical things. when i went to europe in eight grade, when i actually liked life for three weeks, my best girlie and i bought our sailor necklaces. i like those. i wish i still wore it.

4. Exit to Exit- Ryan Cabrera. Okay why does every friggen song written have to do with relationships. what the heck. well all i have to say about this is that im just traveling from exit to exit. i guess i could make this metaphor work. you see i have no idea what the hell i want to do. i really am floundering. just driving down the highway checkin out if there are any good exits to take. well my friend, there arent. Wan wan wan.

WOW im so depressing. sometimes i just get angry. for like no reason. im so dumb.

5. Tomorrow-Avril Lavinge. None of these songs are even that good. i just have such an eclectic abundance of music that the randomest things pop up. And YEt "tomooorrrowwww, is a different day", they all still fit in my life, in some random twisted way. I see it.

Buttt yeahhhh. so i think im really starting to value my new friends. i like it when people open up to me. it helps me cope with my own retardedness. i have a lot of stuff inside me that i need to open up about. but most of the time when i do it always comes out shitty so i never do.but yeah. when other people open up, or just tell me things, not even important things, it makes it easier for me to respond.

Today my friend told me he was thinking about how we met. and that just made me laugh because i think about people and things so much, its weird to think that anyone ever thinks about me. i giggled.

so float on by modest mouse is probably a fantastic song. bands like modest mouse are kind of awesome. im not really one for ska, but i like bands that have songs saying "are you dead or are you sleepin...cause i sure hope you are deaddd!"

I only bump rap while driving in the car. i can not drive with anything else. driving is kind of helping me though, because now i know all these popular songs from listening to the radio so much. i listen to big boyz. ahah. they bump the best g-tunz. nuff said.

p.s. Say Anything will forever and always be my favorite band. No one will ever top Max Bemis. I think he is on an even better level than i am. no. fair.